The Letter
by xkatatthediscox
Summary: Remus sends a letter to his dearly departed friends. SiriusRemus coupling. Oneshot set after OOTP and before HBP. Reviews are adored as always.


A/N: I own nothing, the allmighty Rowling does. bows I do however, own the little plot bunny here that prompted this. Reviews are always appreciated.

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Padfoot, Prongs, and the always lovely Lily,

I remember when we were younger, Prongs and Padfoot would always want to cause some ruckus and I would let them after Padfoot would gaze pleadingly at me. As we got older he used the same tactics on many girls in our year, and quickly gained a reputation with them. Then he turned those same charms on different boys in our year as well. I believe the one person who wouldn't let him off the hook was McGonagall. Well, there was always Snape as well, but that was entirely different.

No matter what though, we always managed to escape serious harm. Despite Padfoot's tendency to rush headfirst into things he almost always rectified the situation. The only real time we worried about expulsion was when Prongs, Wormtail, and Padfoot brought Snape to the Shrieking Shack while I was transformed. Not the brightest of ideas and it was something we all regretted terribly. The Marauders were a tight woven band at the time, but somehow the war managed to change all that.

The deaths of Lily and Prongs shook me to the core. I had faced so much persecution and pain in my life, but nothing hurt as badly as that. To at first believe Padfoot, the friend I had once laughed with, had betrayed Prongs into death was pain beyond anything I'd felt before. To think he had killed Wormtail as well made me full of bitterness and self loathing. I blamed myself for so long, and felt I really should have been able to stop it all. If only things were as simple as back in our younger days.

Teaching was something I really never considered, but at Dumbledore's request I gave it a try. I have to admit I knew I wouldn't last long as the Dark Arts position has been cursed for as far back as I remember. I saw so much of Prongs in Harry, and to be honest it was unnerving and painful. To know that Harry would never hear Prongs' stories of Quidditch or all he did to try to impress Lily was heartbreaking. And on a selfish note, it was hard to look at Harry and not want my friends back.

But that night in the Shrieking Shack came and went. I saw Padfoot again, looked directly into his eyes and instead of the blinding rage I expected; I merely felt calm. I let him explain to Harry about Wormtail, something I had figured out once I had our map back in my hands. I remember him and me embracing, and even though he smelled disgusting it was marvelous to see him. The rest of the night was a blur, due to my own stupidity. I still can't believe I forgot to take my potion; I put them all in danger.

But Padfoot once again in my life, and I was blessed with two years of him. Padfoot throwing his things all about the house, Padfoot randomly transforming into a dog and leaping at me, Padfoot stretching lazily as he sat on the couch scowling at Dumbledore's instructions to stay inside, Padfoot pinning me against a wall with savage, needy kisses, and Padfoot's warm weight against me in the morning.

Waking up to Padfoot for two years is probably the best gift I'd had in life. I'm not complaining that it happened; I'm complaining it had to end so soon. I know how robbed Harry must feel, to gain a godfather so late in life only to lose him so terribly. I held him back knowing he'd foolishly rush into the veil after Padfoot, and then I'd lose them both. Watching Padfoot's magnificent eyes fill with fear and horror as he fell backwards was one of the most horrible things I've seen. His eyes briefly connected with mine before he was gone completely.

In the end, life is a cruel mistress. She loves to taunt you with things you think you can never have. She loves to grant you things that you desperately want. She especially enjoys ripping things you love from you in the least expected moment. Despite the cruelty that life can bring, there is so much joy to be found. No matter the hardships I face, no matter what other wizards say about me, and no matter who else I lose along the way, I had everything I wanted. In him, I truly found myself, and I learned that I am strong enough to overcome anything I wish to.

I dedicate myself to doing the most I can to help rid the world of Voldemort. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because this is something Padfoot would do as well. I'm going to avenge my friend's wrongful deaths, or I'm going to die trying. I'm going to protect Harry the best I can, because I'm his last link to his parents and godfather.

So to you my friends and lover long and gone, I send this letter of reassurance. This has all been weighing heavily on my mind, and while I know you'll never read this letter, I had to write it. I will see you all again one day, and I want to be able to say I did my all while I could.

With Love,

Remus J. Lupin- Moony


End file.
